What would you have done?

FallonJeeper said:

LV XD9 I see all of the posts you've made, giving your opinion on how people should not discipline their children. Just out of curiosity, how do you discipline your children, and how effective is it?

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Anonymouse said:

Mouthy???

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Anonymouse said:

Where are you from? The suburbs??? Lol You know what 13 year olds do where I grew up???

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Anonymouse said:

Reread my post.

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peckerwood1986 said:

No offense but if you enter a conversation but yet refuse to fully contribute and pass judgement then you should not have entered the debate. I was able to enter and give my thoughts without giving my life story. I to an curious as to how you discipline your children. I am not starting a personal attack or anything I am just curious I beleave in all methods of discipline from spanking to grounding. I do not beleave in physically or verbally abusing a child at all. My strategy so to say comes from many other people's that I have taking ideas from and used them in a method that works great with my daughters. But please if you enter a debate especially one about a persons family commit to it fully in a sense as we all are. Just for the record I do respect your views on the no spanking and I do not push anyone to spank their kids that is their choice.

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LV XD9 said:

It's really simple. If you volunteer a story on a public site, you're inviting comments. I choose not to volunteer details of my personal life on a public site. That does not preclude me from responding to any posts made on this site, despite what you may think.

And really, who would think that being on the "against" side of the "should a grown man punch a 13 year old kid in his face (hard enough to knock him out) because he told his mother to shut up in public" debate would be a controversial position?

BTW, I'm sure your "friends" would be thrilled to know that you're discussing their parenting on a website. Anonymous or not, I have a feeling they would consider it a breach of trust. Why not ask them and find out?

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LV XD9 said:

...You hit a stranger for doing something you don't like, you're charged with assault and battery. If you hit your child for doing something you don't like, why should that not result in the same consequences? Shouldn't it be worse, since in the second example the victim is much smaller and weaker and incapable of defending themselves in any way?

Caring for your child does not give you permission to hurt them when they do something you don't like. You don't get to brag about things like wiping your kid's butt, because you're supposed to do that. You're expected to feed and clothe them. Doing as expected doesn't give you carte blanche to discipline your child in any way you see fit. Likewise, being responsible, to a certain point, for the actions of your child is also not justification for using whatever sort of physical discipline you see fit. These are some of the consequences to having children.

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Anonymouse said:

SNIP One time when I was 13, in public, I told my mother to shut up. My stepfather came home, punched me in the face and knocked me out. I deserved it. I'm now 35 and have never disrespected my mother since. Not once. Only time he ever hit me outside of a spanking.

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Citizen said:

@ those who are thinking 'Mouse's stepfather was thus guilty of abuse.

I'm betting stepdad and mom had some idea of 'Mouse's trajectory before this.

It worked. Did stepdad know it would work? Probably not. Did he mean to knock the kid out? Maybe. Or, was stepdad surprised by the knockout, too?

Sometimes, dramatic force is necessary. Something overlooked by the pantywetters, I think. I suspect they're upset because they cannot face force. Second-guessing the parent is not always correct.

At any rate, glad it worked out, 'Mouse.

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Anonymouse said:

Anyone not willing to use drastic measures to save their kid is likely not a good parent.

LV, your posts are arrogant and patronizing. I'm more than willing to bet that you either don't have children or in the off chance you do have lost all control of them and have no idea what they are doing.

Everyone sees the bad *** teenagers. Now you see what the parents look like.

Hippie, love solves everything, flower child suburb people.

SMDH...

As a side note, my brother was never hit. Never spanked. He was raised the new school way.

Guess where he is...

Powhatan Correctional Center (VA)
6 years Attempted Robbery and Assault


So LV , you don't know ****. Clearly...


Edit: lol @ pantywetters


Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

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peckerwood1986 said:

I agree I am glad things turned out ok with you. I am also sorry to hear about you brother. My step brother is locked up too. He also was raised with out discipline.

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Anonymouse said:

Thanks. The thing to remember with discipline whether on the force side or the time out is that there is no one size fits all solution. What works with one may not with another...

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

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MAC702 said:

And you are also supposed to discipline your children,

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Time-out is one of the most effective disciplinary techniques available to parents of young children, aged two years through primary school years
...
Discipline involves teaching positive behaviour as well as changing unwanted behaviour. That is, children need to know what to do as well as what not to do. In general, it is more effective to anticipate and prevent undesirable behaviour than to punish it. ‘Away from the moment’ refers to dealing with the difficult behaviour not in the heat of the moment, but rather in advance or away from the actual misbehaviour. An away-from-the-moment discussion can help prevent undesirable behaviour by giving parents the opportunity to teach the child the desirable behaviour in advance. This technique is not appropriate for use in children younger than three years to four years of age
...
The research that is available supports the position that spanking and other forms of physical punishment are associated with negative child outcomes.

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There appears to be a linear association between the frequency of slapping and spanking during childhood and a lifetime prevalence of anxiety disorder, alcohol abuse or dependence and externalizing problems.

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Punishment is only one aspect of discipline and, in order to be effective, it must be prompt, consistent, and fair. Time-out is frequently used to correct younger children, but because it is often enforced improperly, it loses its effectiveness. Corporal punishment is a controversial but common form of discipline that is less effective than some other types of punishment. Its use is linked to child and spouse abuse, as well as to future substance use, violent crime, poor self-esteem, and depression.

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Corporal punishment is of limited effectiveness and has potentially deleterious side effects. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents be encouraged and assisted in the development of methods other than spanking for managing undesired behavior.
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Parents are more likely to use aversive techniques of discipline when they are angry or irritable, depressed, fatigued, and stressed. In 44% of those surveyed, corporal punishment was used ≥50% of the time because the parent had lost it. Approximately 85% expressed moderate to high anger, remorse, and agitation while punishing their children.21 These findings challenge most the notion that parents can spank in a calm, planned manner. It is best not to administer any punishments while in a state of anger.

Spanking of young children is highly correlated with continued spanking of school and adolescent children.20More than half of 13- and 14-year-olds are still being hit an average eight times per year.17 Parents who have relied on spanking do not seem to shift strategies when the risks of detrimental effects increase with developmental age, as has been argued.

Spanking of preschool boys by fathers with whom the child identified only moderately or little resulted in increased aggressive behavior by those children.17

Corporal punishment in two-parent, middle class families occurred weekly in 25%, was associated with the use of an object occasionally in 35% and half of the time in 17%, caused considerable pain at times in 12%, and inflicted lasting marks at times in 5%.21 Thus, striking children in the abusive range is neither rare nor confined to families of lower socioeconomic class, as has been asserted.

Although children may view spanking as justified and symbolic of parental concern for them, they rate spanking as causing some or much pain in more than half of cases and generally experience anger at the adult as a result. Despite this, children come to accept spanking as a parent's right at an early age, making changes in adult acceptance of spanking more difficult.21

The more children are hit, the more anger they report as adults, the more they hit their own children when they are parents, the more likely they are to approve of hitting and to actually hit their spouses, and the greater their marital conflict.20

Although 93% of parents justify spanking, 85% say that they would rather not if they had an alternative in which they believed.21 One study found that 54% of mothers said that spanking was the wrong thing to have done in at least half of the times they used it.20 This ambivalence likely results in inconsistent use, which limits further its effectiveness as a teaching tool.

Although spanking has been shown to be effective as a back-up to enforce a time-out location, it was not more effective than use of a barrier as an alternative.32

Even controlling for baseline antisocial behavior, the more 3- to 6-year-old children were hit, the worse their behavior when assessed 2 years later.20

Actions causing pain such as spanking can acquire a positive value rather than the intended adversive value.31 Children who expect pain may actually seek it through escalating misbehaviors.

Parents who spank are more likely to use other forms of corporal punishment and a greater variety of verbal and other punitive methods.22 When punishment fails, parents who rely on it tend to increase the intensity of its use rather than to change strategies.

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1. Avoiding the situation where or when a problem arises
should eliminate the need to discipline for that problem.
2. Distracting the child from a situation can avoid the difficulty.
Parent must be attentive and ready to move in. Verbal commands
do not work with toddlers.12,13
3. Consistent and expected responses from parents allow children
to learn what behaviour is required.
4. Ignore minor misbehaviour. Set a priority list of behaviours
that need to be controlled, such as those related to safety:
running into the street or not notifying parents as to whereabouts.
The list should contain less than five items.
5. Childproofing the environment, such as removing dangerous
or prized objects, will eliminate the need to verbally or physically
restrain a child.
6. Involving children through choices, when possible and appropriate,
instils in them the idea that they are responsible for
their own actions. Knowing the consequences allows children
to make choices. Punishment should fit the crime.
7. Noticing good behaviour produces more good behaviour.
Children want to please parents, and if they know what parents
like, they will do more of it. Parents should pay attention
and make positive comments about good behaviour.
8. Time-in, or special time, with a child is an emotional investment
for life. One-on-one time, as little as 15 minutes daily or
a few times a week, with the child directing the activity is
guaranteed to produce a more positive relationship and better
understanding when the need for discipline arises.
9. Time-out is an effective way to manage disruptive behaviour
when the situation is beyond preventive measures. To be
effective, time-out should be away from the action, but not in
the bedroom, which is a child’s sleeping area and safe haven.
It should be short, 1 minute per year of age, but fully
enforced. If the child will not go or cannot stay in the timeout
area, a parent should take the child to the time-out area
and remain with the child for the time without interacting
with the child.
Parents should avoid lectures about misdemeanours during
time-out and avoid being angry. Discussion about the bad
behaviour can take place at another time when the child is
calmer. Some children learn to use time-out themselves and
go away from a situation when they are about to lose control.

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Tawnos said:

Discipline does not mean spanking, though. Imagine if we took the same approach to firearms that many of you are advocating towards children: "Well, my black powder pistol has worked well enough, and it's what my parents used, why would I use something else?"

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The fact is, there are _more effective_ means of discipline, and they all involve ZERO spanking. In fact, while spanking may not have negative outcomes (just as using a black powder pistol may be enough), it is a less effective form of discipline and is associated with more problems (just as a black powder pistol may be less reliable or effective in self defense).

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There is significant research on this topic, and much of it focuses on what discipline is most effective. At the end of the day, isn't that what you all really want? An effective way to instruct a child and guide them towards correct behavior? Or are you all so focused on keeping your right to strike a child that the fact more effective means exists just passes right over you?

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peckerwood1986 said:

From what I remember the law states that you can slap your child on the butt up to 3 times as long as it not in anger and it is with a open hand . That being said I have two daughters both under 10 and both are very well behaved. I get compliments about it all the time. If you do not beleave me that's fine but if you meet my kids you will understand. I see kids doing what they want and then I hear parents say kids will be kids. I do spank my kids when need be. Never out of anger and just enough to get their attention. My kids will be raised with respect and morals. I think that more people need to spank their kids not abuse but spank and discipline them. Oh yea if I ever told my mom to shut up my dad would have knocked me out even if I was 30 and I would not blame him. I would have done the same thing. That being said everyone has the right to raise their children as they see fit. I have friends who do not beleave in spanking. To be honest their kids do what they want because they know that the worst they get is yelled at.

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