Need Relationship Advice

[LEO 229]

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rpyne wrote:

It isn't about "guns", it is about the fundamental right to life and the right to protect your life. If she doesn't value your life and your right to protect your, and her, life, how many other basic values do you not share?

As for her being "the one", that is just plain BS. A relationship built on shared values and commitment will last, one built on "chemistry" won't.

Oh Please! It is about a relationship. not friggin'right to life. :uhoh:

You and making it seem like he will be killed if he does not have a gun when he walks out the door. :lol:

You have a far greater chance of being killed in a car crash!!!! That gun is not going to stop that from happening.

 

[HankT]

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rpyne wrote:

It isn't about "guns", it is about the fundamental right to life and the right to protect your life.

Based on the OP, it's about carrying a gun. One thing that hasn't been touched on yet, probably because of political correctness, is that perhaps the woman doesn't like OP carrying for a reason. She would certainly be in a position to judge the efficacy of FT's carrying. Hey, let's just say that, especially since he is new to same, that mebbe she knows something he don't. The exuberance of youth may have something to do with it--witness our young fellow from Louisiana who recently made some really bad youthful judgments about what gun carrying is about...



rpyne wrote:

If she doesn't value your life and your right to protect your, and her, life, how many other basic values do you not share?

Sounds like a straw man. Guess you "win" that point.

 

[FunkTrooper]

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LEO 229 wrote:

FunkTrooper wrote:

Well I think I'm going to wait and see how all this plays, I would never think of giving her up over a gun it's more to do with my ability of protect myself and others. I think I'll just try and keep pushing the gun issue and hopefully she'll at least be ok with it after awhile. There is a lot more going on than just the carry issue but I just wanted to know how others have dealt with significant others not approving of the choice to carry.

Let's be honest here... how many people here out of the 20,000 members have ever needed to use their gun in self defence? Now work your odds from that. There are far more people who CC and the numbers of them actually pulling a gun and using it are very low.

Crime happens.. no doubt. But your odds of being a victim of a violent crime are not that great. Unless!! you are in a job where you become a target because of what you do likedeliver pizza, drive a cab, own a jewelry store, or sell drugs.

So I understand the desire to have protection... (It makes you feel better) but you have to weight the odds of actually needing it every single moment of the day. If you are that scared that you cannot go out unless you are armed.. why not don a vest and buy a bullet proof hummer?? :lol:

And you can push the issue with her and she will eventually dump your ass and you can then carry all you like.

Let it go... No means no.. Notplease try to convince me again later. You are as bad as the religious nuts trying to get me to go to church! I will be attending church before she is OK with you packing a gun. :lol:

Actually I have used my weapon for self defense before never had to fire though, but far from what you think I don't carry for fear of my life I carry because it's a freedom I enjoy. I've done a lot of things for her and this is one issue I don't want to give up on, the fact that she doesn't know why she doesn't like me carrying is a major factor. I've already compromised by not carrying when I'm with her but she doesn't want me doing it at all.

You make it sound like the problem is me trying to convince her to accept my carrying but seem to ignore that she's the one pushing me to just drop. I love her and all but she hasn't ever changed for me and I don't ask her to but in your mind I'm an idiot because I want to draw a line in the sand.

 

[altajava]

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Funk, I've been in your shoes. Love can make a man stupid. The question is how long do you want this love to last? Your principles are obviously different than hers and this will put a time limit on your relationship. No one here can tell you what that limit is or when that limit is up but it will come. The dilemma is what to do about it. Do you end it now in an attempt to find some one with similar principles or do you ride it out to the end? I've done both and can tell you either way sucks. Good luck.

 

[HankT]

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FunkTrooper wrote:

Actually I have used my weapon for self defense before never had to fire though, but far from what you think I don't carry for fear of my life I carry because it's a freedom I enjoy.

What happened when you used the weapon for self-defense?

Was she there?

 

[FunkTrooper]

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No she was never there, and I've told her about those times but it didn't change her mind.

Both times nothing happened the people saw that I was armed and fled.

 

[ixtow]

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Carnivore wrote:

You're 21 yrs. old for god sake, Find yourself a real woman instead of a girl that wants to try her luck at manipulating her first man..

+9999999999999999

The fact that you carry shows us that you have maturity and intelligence. Why waste yourself on someone who is less than your equal?

You live in a world that teaches you to seek approval from the opposite sex, and it never corssess your mind that she's the one who isn't cutting it...

You've given too much already. Be a man and cut her lose, let her be some other fool's headache.

I'm alone right now for similar reasons. It sucks, and it hurts like mad, even after so much time has passed. I think of all the good stuff and if it was really worth it...

It is.

Do you want to spend your life with someone that is so irrational that she just 'feels' something that is total nonsense and instead of growing up and accepting that it is a stupid belief, chooses to force you to change your life? Think about how much more of that you're going to get in ever aspect of your life. Is that the woman you want to call the mother of your children?

Hell no.

She is already an anchor, look what you would throw away for her. Find a grown-up adult woman who doesn't try to make you dispose of common-sense to have her. Realize that she is giving you the following ultimatum:

"Be an intelligent person, or me; pick one."

I'm willing to bet this isn't the only common-sense you've had to dispose of with this girl. And each step was closer to controlling you in ever detail. the more you give up, the less she respects you, and the crappier your life gets. Think of who you were 3 years ago....

You're 21, don't flush your life down the toilet just cuz some girl has made a game of getting you to part with one principle and another and another in the name of 'love.' If it were love, she wouldn't be doing that crap.

You're just the sucker that pays her way and lets her control you; nothing more.

You know I'm right.

 

[wrightme]

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ixtow wrote:

Carnivore wrote:

You're 21 yrs. old for god sake, Find yourself a real woman instead of a girl that wants to try her luck at manipulating her first man..

+9999999999999999

The fact that you carry shows us that you have maturity and intelligence. Why waste yourself on someone who is less than your equal?

No, you are simply assuming that. It is one possible conclusion, but not a sure thing.

 

[ixtow]

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double tap

 

[ixtow]

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wrightme wrote:

ixtow wrote:

Carnivore wrote:

You're 21 yrs. old for god sake, Find yourself a real woman instead of a girl that wants to try her luck at manipulating her first man..

+9999999999999999

The fact that you carry shows us that you have maturity and intelligence. Why waste yourself on someone who is less than your equal?

No, you are simply assuming that. It is one possible conclusion, but not a sure thing.

One who lacks these qualities would be unlikely to be continuing the practice 3 years later. I say it is a fair and safe assumption to make.

 

[rodbender]

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If she has a man that she must change to be what she wants, that man is NOT for her. If you have a woman that you must change to be what you want, then she is NOT for you. If either of you have to change to suit the other, the relationship will not last a lifetime. If you give this up, and wind upgetting married, don't you think she will probably tell you toget rid of the guns. What if you have children? She will definitely want the guns out of the house.Divorce can be a real bitch, especially if kids are involved.You'll be kicking yourself in the ass the rest of your lifeif it does, trust me on this one.Don't let this happen to you.Find a woman that you do NOT have to change, she needs a man she does NOT have to change.

LEO229 says to dump the gun, you will most likely never need it. While this is a true statement, what if you do need it? It could mean your life, and hers as well.

Honestly, the real issue here is not the gun, it's the sharing of the same values and ideas about life in general.Find someone you don't have to change, she should do the same. Find someone that wants the same things out of life that you do. There will always be some areas of disagreement, but these should be minor in nature. This one is avery major issue.:banghead:

 

[HankT]

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FunkTrooper wrote:

So my girlfriend of nearly 3 years does not like the fact that I carry, I have done just about everything for her and am very supportive however she tells me that she doesn't like the Idea of being with someone who carries everywhere. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't know and that's just how she feels I ask her if she would be okay if I conceal carry around her (since I have a permit now) and she says it wouldn't matter. She also turns down the idea of me taking her shooting. I've only started carrying in the last year or so since I've turned 21 and it's not something I really want to give up on. If I'm going to dump her it's now or never as she opened our relationship while where in two different states and I'm feeling a little numb towards her right now.

So my question is what do I do about this should I just be done with it or is it still worth convincing her?

Also to note that she is alright with me owning guns it's carrying them that she has a beef with.

In re-reading the OP, two things are more salient in this story for me.

1. The practiceof carrying took place about 2 years after the relationship started. SoFT introduced it to the relationship, apparently unilaterally.

2. The woman is reportedly "alright with...owning guns." Therefore, she is not anti-gun.

It's the gun carrying that has her concerned. She is probably concerned that FT is gonna somehow do something while carrying that will adversely affect him in some way.

Therefore, one logical alternative to consider (there are others) is to terminate the carrying for a while. Say, a year or two. Could be only 6 months. See how that works out. After all, the OP said there were other issues involved in the relationship....

Another thought has just come to me. We're only getting FT's side of this. What about her side?

Is there any way that the young lady can join up to OCDO and .... tell us her side of the story? FT obviously isn't capable of accurately depicting her side of the issues. He's too involved. Toobiased.

 

[wrightme]

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ixtow wrote:

wrightme wrote:

ixtow wrote:

Carnivore wrote:

You're 21 yrs. old for god sake, Find yourself a real woman instead of a girl that wants to try her luck at manipulating her first man..

+9999999999999999

The fact that you carry shows us that you have maturity and intelligence. Why waste yourself on someone who is less than your equal?

No, you are simply assuming that. It is one possible conclusion, but not a sure thing.

One who lacks these qualities would be unlikely to be continuing the practice 3 years later. I say it is a fair and safe assumption to make.

Another false conclusion, on false data. The GF is from 3 years according to the OP. Carrying isn't. You are jumping to conclusions. Also, if he was carrying for 3 years, the only reasonable conclusion form that data is that we know that the OP hasn't related any incidents to us. There is absolutely no data to use to draw your conclusions.

The OP may very well be an Einstein, AND a perfect social person, but the data we have does not support drawing that conclusion; no more than it supports drawing a conclusion of the OP as being only average, or being below average.

We only know that he has been carrying for a "year or so," and that he is still breathing.

 

[ixtow]

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All valid points, which I conceed.

I stand by the position that any person who cannot justify "I kust feel that way" with solid reasons, should be ignored. Especially in a relationship. If it is a dealbreaker; so be it.

 

[ixtow]

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@ OP

Ask yourself if giving up a fundamental human right is worth it... More than likely, this isn't the first test of your resolve this woman has put you through. Does she care about you, or the control over you that she gets by continuing to create 'relationship problems' that relate to you giving up your humanity to appease her?

You're used to considering actions that 'society' doesn't always like. There are a whole lot of people out there who hate guns, etc... But you defy them for good reasons.

Maybe this is something that SHE needs to work on, not you. And if she never has to give up ground or respect you.... This is the beginning of a very, very unhappy life.

She is one of many. You don't think she hasn't thought of you the same way? "If he doesn't comply, I'll just go find another one!"

Granted, these are MY words, but they work better when they are yours:

Chicks are pretty much all the same; except for how they look. Play the field for a while and you'll see, they all respond to the same stimuli. It may be called sexist or Politically Incorrect, but it's true and you can prove it yourself. Now, until you find the girl who's ACTIONS make you eat those words, live by them. That's my suggestion, anyway.

It is brutal to walk away from how you feel. Why is it so easy for her to lay down the ultimatum? Think about it man. Maybe you're not perfect, either. But who is holding who over a barrel with no respect and no pain?

Love doesn't do that. Stand your ground and call her out. If she walks, she loved controlling you, not you. If she bends to it to stay with you, declare the issue closed, move forward, and I bet you get a lot less nagging in the future.

It's called respect. I see this as a no-compromise matter. Be a man, and if she'd prefer a jackass to be her bitch boy, she'll go find him. Is that what you want to be for the rest of your life? If you give up something this fundamental, you may as well give up now, because there is no respect, and that means, no love, in this relationship.

'I just feel that way' is not something a rational mind has any duty to respect. It is not an opinion or an idea. Back it up, or let it go. Not use it as a tool to control someone else. Relationship or not, that is the policy of honesty and free-will.

 

[Alexcabbie]

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Hey Ixtow. Why should anyone take relationship advice from a misanthrope? :uhoh:

 

[Don Barnett]

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Why don't you pose this situation to Dear Abby? I would like to see that reaction.

 

[LEO 229]

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OK...

It sounds like you live a life of danger.... Mr Bond.

You cannot seem to be out on the town without a gun and danger is around every corner. :lol:

So do both of yourselves a favor. Dump her!!

If you are going to come here asking for relationship advice.. you should probably not be dating anyway. Find a girl that likes to OCand keep carrying your gun.

If you think this is tough..... wait until you actually get married!! :lol:

 

[rodbender]

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LEO 229 wrote:

If you think this is tough..... wait until you actually get married!! :lol:

Ain't that the truth?

 

[ixtow]

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Alexcabbie wrote:

Hey Ixtow. (2) Why should anyone take relationship advice from a (1) misanthrope? :uhoh:

You created 2 idiocies in one sentence:

1) That matter is totally unrelated and a matter of your own opinion itself.

2) No one has to.

I've said my part. I can provide my perspective. Knowing as little as he has told, I provide 'advice' (if you want to call it that) based on a 'what would I do in his shoes' perspective. And that is; kick her to the curb, find a better one. They're everywhere.

It is what he asked for, and I provided my little slice. Take it or leave it, I really don't care.

It isn't 'relationship advice.' It's 'this is a bad relationship and should you be in it?' opinion/perspective. A person, regardless of gender, who does not respect basic human rights, specifically those of his/her partner; is crap. There is no such thing as a quality that can redeem that.

It has become accepted standard for a woman to be caustic and destructive to a relationship, and expect a man to just 'deal with it' as she finds new and creative ways to wreck havoc on him. As popular and commonplace as it is, it is not healthy or acceptable. IMNSHO.

That, sir, is why you call me such names... And I'm quite proud of it.

kthnksbai.